Of course I watched Jimmy Savile as a kid. I used to sit green-eyed with envy as some lucky kid, unfortunate because of some terrible vulnerability, got their wildest dreams met by this man who seemed able to do absolutely anything, anything at all at the drop of a hat. The smiles of those children spoke to me... that's what it would be like to really get what you dream of.
Surrounded by adoring children and grateful families, I was wretched with envy, of the travel, the meeting of cherished celebrities, the adventure, all of it.
And...all... they... had... to... do... was... sit on his knee. And that was the thing, because if he hadn't had all that ability to produce so much out of seemingly nothing, that is one knee that wild horses would not have persuaded me to sit on.
The man exercised a physical repulsion in me that sat uneasily alongside my envy of the children, ministered to by his cheery confidence in his innate goodness that he loved to share with the world, and that repulsion was palpable. It was a worrying, disturbing, fascinating disgust, that was never nameable because he was always doing so much good, but nevertheless was there, in the pit of my stomach as he gurned self-depreciatingly.
I know about corruption, more than I wish to know, and don't we all, but as the questions are asked and the extent of collusion begins to unravel, it remains no less stunning that someone was able to get away with so much ugly and intentional abuse while being simultaneously lauded and applauded for being the champion of children.
Even writing that makes me want to vomit. How much more so for the children who were the targets and victims of his monstrous perversions? They had to sit and watch him too, smiling and being congratulated and....(I'm going to vomit again)...loved. Yes, he was loved for being a champion of children while he was actually raping them. And so many people knew who could do nothing about it.
And when they did try and do something about it, they found out even more about what being crushed by the abuse of power feels like. In 2009 in a police interview, Savile told how allegations had started in the 1950s, 50 years earlier.
But when so many people knew what he was really like, and when allegations had been being made about him for an incredible 50 year period, how on earth did he manage to stop any of them from getting through and exposing him for the child rapist that he was?
Well it turns out that he had a "policy" of using litigation. He openly referred to it in the interview as a policy and it was obviously very successful. He boasted about suing papers which dared to feature any such allegation saying that "not one of them wanted to finish up in court with me so they all settled out of court".
If he could have such an effect on the press, through being prepared to use all available might to crush any dissent, how did any individual stand a chance against him?
He even threatened the police concerning the very interview these quotes are taken from,
"I've already told my legal people that somebody were [sic] going to come and talk to me, they've got a copy of your letter, and the process or the policy will start because if this disappears, so if it disappears it disappears, if it doesn't disappear for any reason then my policy will swing into action at the same time."
Not only did Savile's smokescreen include his lawyers, none of whom apparently wondered why these allegations just would not go away, or perhaps did not care, so long as he paid his bills, but he also claimed to have close ties with Yorkshire police, passing them what he called "weirdo letters", which presumably were people trying to flag up the abuse, and indeed in the transcript the police suggest that these were "letters of a threatening nature or otherwise". Perhaps there were very regular brave attempts by victims to speak up and notify him of intended legal action against him, or maybe they didn't even get that far; crushed again.
There is absolutely no indication that he ever felt the least bit threatened about any such letter, he said:
"If I was going to sue anybody – which I never actually got round to actually suing because they all run away and say 'shush pay him up' – we go not to the local court, we go to the Old Bailey 'cos my people can book time in the Old Bailey so my legal people are ready and waiting. All they need would be a name, and an address, and then the due process from my angle would stop."
The level of intimidation is so high, but this is just him talking about it. Imagine being a victim, who tried to defend yourself and being warned off with the suggestion that he had the Old Bailey in his pocket. Clearly he was not above extorting money from anyone foolish enough to give it a try, even if he did rape them. So many layers of abuse.
Liz Dux, a lawyer representing scores of alleged victims said: "The interview shows Savile to be a man with complete disdain and contempt for those that he was purporting to help".
And that's one way of putting it, which nobody can deny. But the reality is, as I sat there watching in revolted fascination, it was actually entirely because of the children that he got away with it. It was their smiles, their excitement, their dreams, that provided his smoke-screen: just enough to push down the bubbling revulsion and "fool" us all.
Look how nice he is to children, look he's helping them, look he's fulfilling their wildest dreams.
Thousands of shots of happy smiling kids next to Jimmy Savile, proving he cared.
Smiling children, the ultimate smokescreen covering the ultimate lie.
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